why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
