she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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