i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
