tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
