You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
