my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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