all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
