first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
