Someone shit on the floor
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
