I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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