Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
