he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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