20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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