You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
