____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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