Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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