Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
