I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize