I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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