Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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