Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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