he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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