Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
