Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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