One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
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Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
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