I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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