There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
