It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
