well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
