You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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