either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
