I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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