I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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