It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
