Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
