So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
