It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
