I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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