Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize