Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
