I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
