508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
