It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
