I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
