I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
