cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
