you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
