I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
