its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
