I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it hurts more in the daytime
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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