im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
