he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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