I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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