Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize