You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
