i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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