I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
