The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
