i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
