I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
