I wanna passion pit in your ass
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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