i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
