So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
