Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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