dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
