All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
