I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
