Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
