Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
