I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
