I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
