Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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