My boss' voice literally gives me gas
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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