I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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