I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
