if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
