Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
