I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
