This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
