Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
