I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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