honey bunches of taint.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
