I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found the puke drawer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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