I faked an abortion last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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