Don't you send me to vm
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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