sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
